Quinn's Birth Story (the censored version)
and the birth center experience
We brought Quinn Taylor home the day she was born - her due date, June 1st.
“She’ll have her longest stretch of sleep when you first put her down tonight,” the midwife told us. “Go to bed when she does; that will be the most sleep you get for a while and you need it.”
While Quinn had her 5-hour honeymoon stretch of sleep, I lay there in bed wide awake, staring at her in the bassinet, wound up and replaying every second of my daughter’s birth story.
I thought that’s what I would share with you all. The play-by-play wouldn’t take terribly long; labor lasted just under seven hours. But in the few weeks she’s been on the outside I’ve realized there’s another story to tell about her birth.
What it’s like to have a baby at a birth center.
Throughout pregnancy and after delivery, I’ve gotten the same questions:
What hospital are you going to?
Will you be induced?
Is your hospital bag packed?
Does the ultrasound show how big the baby is?
How long did you have to stay at the hospital?
These are all questions that do not apply to having a baby at a birth center. We didn’t have an ultrasound after the 20-week anatomy scan. I did pack a bag but only with Perfect bars (obviously) and a going-home outfit for Baby and me. And the midwives do not medically induce you if you go past your due date or hit a certain age (though if a mom does require medical induction, they will transfer her to hospital care).
Leo was born at a birth center, and I had no doubt I’d go that route again with our second child. I don’t talk much about this decision unless people ask. I know that it’s different from the norm, and I don’t typically like to stand out for making what some see as a controversial decision.
I also didn’t realize this was a controversial decision until I lost a close friendship over it the first time around. I’m well aware of the hesitations people have and am probably more careful now not to overly share this choice.
But it’s becoming apparent to me that many people aren’t aware of the birth center experience.
The lactation consultant we met with for Quinn last week told me her biggest regret in life was not having her children at a birth center like she had wanted. Her husband hadn’t been on board, and she regretted the hospital experience for her three deliveries.
And there were the eye-opening stories I heard from moms at our birth center orientation on why they were curious about the birth center route. One mom had delivered her previous child at home on her own because the hospital had sent her home, not believing she was ready to deliver. Another mom was on her fourth child and unhappy with the first three birth experiences in hospital.
I’ve never had a hospital birth, so what I know is only based on what people have told me of their experiences and what I’ve seen on TV.
I had no idea about birth centers before my first pregnancy either. If a friend hadn’t recommended this route to me, I likely never would have looked into it.
But now I have two incredible birth stories that make me want to make more people aware of the options they have when it comes to one of the most memorable, life-changing experiences you’ll ever go through.
Why did I choose a birth center?
My first pregnancy happened right after lockdown started in 2020. Kyle and I had been living in Arizona for three years at that point, and I didn’t have an established doctor. It wasn’t like Des Moines or Streator where you went to one place to have a baby or do anything medical. In Phoenix, there were too many options for me to know what would feel right.
In fact, the only experience I’d had with a gynecologist in Phoenix was a negative one. Her recommendations hadn’t sat well with me.
So when a close friend of mine told me about the birth center she’d delivered her daughter at, I was intrigued.
Babymoon Inn birth center was born out of the passion of families who wanted to provide access to midwifery care in a freestanding, out-of-hospital setting. Our birth centers allow low-risk women to experience birth in a comfortable, home-like setting where natural birth is the focus.
I had never thought about having a natural birth. I’ve seen all the birth episodes of my favorite shows and heard all the jokes made about getting the woman the damn epidural, and I always thought that would be me too. Why wouldn’t I want drugs to help me through what would likely be the most painful thing my body would ever go through?
But 30-year-old Michelle was a different gal. In the few years before I got pregnant with Leo, I’d become more interested in doing everything the more natural way - food, beauty products, cleaning, etc. A natural birth sounded more aligned with 30-year-old Michelle’s values.
Even if that meant feeling every sensation of labor and delivery.
I certainly didn’t know that so many people had big opinions about doing things this way - meaning without an OB, without pain medication, without an army of doctors and nurses and beeping machines at the ready for an emergency.
What I was going off was that my best friend - who was like me and valued the same things - had a beautiful experience and knew that I would love everything about it as well.
Enter my practical husband and my mother, a registered nurse of 30+ years. While I tend to make big decisions based on my gut feelings, Kyle and my mom do the grunt work of researching, asking all the questions, and seeing the ins and outs of everything.
When it came down to it, they agreed that a birth center birth looked like a more personal, comfortable experience with a team of certified professionals who had an extremely low hospital transfer rate, as well as a lower need for cesarean delivery or other interventions than traditional hospital births. As long as I had a low-risk, healthy pregnancy, I could have a natural delivery in the comfort of their beautiful birth cottage.
The fact that hospitals were overtaken by Covid also played a big part in winning over Kyle and my mom.
Leo was born on January 10, 2021 at Babymoon Inn in Phoenix - a simple little house with two birthing rooms, a bathroom, kitchen and living room with all kinds of yoga-like equipment for laboring and delivering.
Kyle and I had Covid about three weeks before his birth, yet we didn’t have to change our birth plan due to this. I got to labor without a mask on.
None of the four other people in the birth center (Kyle, my mom, Maribeth the midwife and Mary the nurse assistant) had to wear masks either. In middle of this pandemic, Leo’s birth was this safe little oasis that felt separate from the world of lockdown.
When I tell people Leo was 11 days past his due date, I usually get the response, “they didn’t induce you?”
If we had gone to a hospital, I have no doubt I would have been encouraged to be induced. Birth centers do not do medical inductions. Once I went past my due date, however, they had me get ultrasounds every few days to ensure I had enough water and that baby wasn’t distressed. If everything looked okay, they’d continue to do natural methods of induction to encourage labor.
We did it all - acupressure massage, at least 3 membrane sweeps, hiking Piestewa Peak, and, finally, the foley bulb is what got things going. While I was so ready to meet my baby earlier on, I wouldn’t change his birth story for the world. January 10th has proven to be his perfect birthday.
Further reading: Here’s an in-depth article from Emily Oster on How Midwives May Improve Birth Outcomes
Quinn’s Birth Story - Willow Birth Center
Now for the new baby…
While we had a great experience at Babymoon, we changed birth centers for our second child. We had moved out of Phoenix and were only 10 minutes away from Willow Birth Center, and I had another friend who could testify for their great experience of two deliveries with Willow.
I was blown away by the beauty and comfort of Willow right at our orientation. It looked quite different from Babymoon on the outside - it is located in a strip of other businesses, whereas Babymoon was its own kind of compound of buildings. But once you entered Willow, it felt more like a spa.
Willow’s birthing suite is in back of their office with three gorgeous bedrooms for laboring mothers. Each room has a bathtub and private bathroom. I had a favorite from the beginning that I’d use in my visualizations during pregnancy.
Willow has eight midwives on their team, and I met with each one of them throughout my pregnancy. You don’t know who you’ll deliver with - it’s whoever is on call when you go into labor - so each midwife gets to know you and becomes familiar with your pregnancy and personality. I felt comfortable with everyone and had a few I especially felt connected with. It wasn’t until about 34 weeks when I met with Mana, and I told Kyle I felt especially comfortable with her.
I had an appointment the day before my due date with Nicole - another favorite - and I asked her who was on call for the weekend. I had a good feeling things were going to get moving. That night it was Christy, a midwife I’d never met with who was covering for the summer. Saturday was Mana, Sunday was Kelli, and Monday was her - Nicole. Even though I hadn’t met Christy, I felt like this was the perfect lineup.
My contractions started at 6am the next morning, Saturday, June 1st - Quinn’s due date.
Throughout pregnancy I had been hoping Baby would be born in May. Mostly for selfish reasons - my birthday is June 7th, and I wanted Baby to have her own birthday month. We also have a bajillion other family and friend birthdays in June. I liked the sound of May for her.
But as I did all my curb walking and labor-inducing yoga during that last week of May, I started to wonder if the universe had a plan for her to arrive on the 1st, which had a beautiful significance for us this year. Kyle’s dad John passed away in 2021, five days before Leo was born. Every year, the family holds a memorial golf outing for him on the first Saturday of June back in our Illinois hometown. This year, the outing was taking place on June 1st, and we obviously weren’t going to make it home.
We were having a baby instead!
As I sat on the couch watching PAW Patrol with Leo and timing my contractions, I couldn’t believe Baby Girl was arriving on her due date. I couldn’t believe her arrival was coinciding with John - that we’d celebrate two beautiful lives that day.
But since my labor was starting with contractions instead of with my water breaking - like it had with Leo - I had a hard time believing things were really happening at all. Should I still go write at the coffee shop this morning? Should I still take Leo to gymnastics?
No, Michelle. You’re having a baby!
We took a family walk to the park and contractions picked up. I dialed the midwife on call when we got home at 7am to let her know where things were at - it was Christy, and her bubbly voice told me we’d be just fine even though I hadn’t met her. She felt like the good energy I needed for the day ahead.
Since things were still fairly mild, I took the opportunity to shower and put on some light makeup. I had heard before of people “getting ready” for labor and thought that was ridiculous… until I had to look at the many beautiful yet horrendous pictures from Leo’s birth. Kyle looked effing fabulous, and I looked as one should if they’d just pushed a watermelon out of their body - exhausted and completely defeated.
Not this time! So I was happy to writhe through contractions in the shower with my labor playlist going while Kyle kept Leo busy.
My mom came over to take on Leo duty - it was clear I was not taking him to gymnastics now - and my contractions were getting longer and closer together. I called Christy again, and we agreed to meet at the birth center at 9am.
I was nervous that I was acting too soon, that things wouldn’t progress and I’d be wasting the midwife’s time. Labor is so weird like that. I had read too many stories this time about people’s labor stalling or just taking days, and I was convinced that’s what was happening, because it didn’t feel as intense as it had the first time.
Tip to second-time moms: Do not compare anything in your second labor to your first. They do not have to and likely will not be the same!
I squeezed Leo so tight before we left, crying for the first time that day. This would be the last time I’d hug him as my only child. This would be the last moment we’d have as a family of three. This would be the last “before Quinn” moment, and I was so proud of my little boy.
Then he smacked me in the leg before he left with Grandma. Oh, three-year-olds.
“You’re definitely in labor.”
Christy was lovely, just as I suspected. She welcomed us into the back door at Willow.
“There’s nothing like being on call and getting a full night’s sleep and a cup of coffee in before a Saturday morning birth,” she said when she greeted us.
Kyle and I felt the same. How lucky were we with our timing? With both kids, labor started after a full night of sleep, on a weekend morning with no traffic, and - even better - with no other families at the birth center. We had the whole place to ourselves. I got dibs on my favorite room!
Christy checked me, and when she said I was dilated to a 6, I said “no kidding!” I felt validated.
As she felt around she said, “Yeah, you’re definitely in labor.”
“Cool!” I said. It was happening! We really were going to meet our baby girl that day!
Kyle and I went back to our room, and it felt like we’d checked into a spa for the weekend. Christy diffused essential oils for me. Kyle hung my printed birth affirmations and set out the pictures of Leo and Yoshi that I’d brought. I got my cute little labor gown on and settled in.
Christy made Kyle a cup of coffee, and he couldn’t have been happier to spend the morning coaching me through contractions while kicking back with coffee. My mom got Leo settled with my dad so she could come to the birth center as well. She and Christy hung in the lounge area while Kyle and I worked through contractions in the room.
Weirdly enough, Kyle and I had a lot of fun during labor. We were mostly left alone - Christy would come in once in a while with a doppler to check Baby’s heart rate, or we’d go out to talk to Christy and my mom whenever I wanted a change of scenery.
Meanwhile, Kyle kept everything secret from his own family, waiting to surprise his mom when Baby was born so she could celebrate with everyone at the golf outing.
Kyle and I sang and danced along to my labor playlist. He rubbed my back during contractions, and we joked around a lot. It was some of the most present, uninterrupted time we’d had together in a while, and it was quite lovely.
After about an hour I grew annoyed with the painful contractions and asked Christy to run the bath. I didn’t think I’d want the bath - in my first labor, the bath only felt more uncomfortable and I thought it had slowed things down. But one of the Willow midwives had said that sometimes moms feel the bath is slowing things down because it makes them feel less pain, although things are still progressing as they would. I wanted to see if that was true.
Thankfully, it was! Contractions felt more manageable in the tub. I sat in there singing along to my playlist for about an hour, while Kyle did a full-on workout next to me on the birthing ball.
While I was in the bath, Ruby the birth assistant arrived. I was happy to see her, and I thought that was interesting. At Babymoon, they only called the birth assistant to come when things were getting really close. I didn’t think I was that close to pushing. Apparently I was the only one who didn’t realize that.
I wanted to get out of the bath and be checked again; I had to know if I was getting anywhere. Another thing about birth centers, they don’t want to do many cervical checks. They don’t want to bother things but just let them be. Which I think is wonderful, but as someone who checks her FitBit every five minutes to see how many steps she’s at, I needed to know how far I was dilated and when I could expect this baby to arrive.
Kyle tried telling me I didn’t need to be checked. He could tell I was getting closer, I think. Things did feel more intense, but my water still hadn’t broken and everything felt milder than the first time around. I was anticipating more action.
“I like this guy,” Ruby said. “Listen to him!”
I did not.
Christy did another check and said I was dilated to about 8 or 9. Woah! Okay, things were progressing. I could relax. Then she joked, “You’ve got about an hour to have this baby. We have a shift change coming up and I want to meet her!”
The shift change was happening at noon, and I knew who was coming on - Mana, the midwife I’d felt the most excited about during prenatal appointments! I would’ve been happy to deliver the baby under Christy’s watch - she was awesome - but I had a feeling Quinn was waiting for Mana.
In the next hour, Christy encouraged me to lunge sideways up the stairs to encourage Baby to engage in my pelvis more. I thought Baby had been doing that for the past month, but I think the birth team was trying to get my water to break.
Kyle helped me do the lunges, encouraging me to only go up about three steps up. I said I could go all the way to the top, and when I had a contraction halfway up, I thought I was going to die.
“That’s why I said three steps,” he said. Kyle has missed his calling as a birth doula.
Noon came around, and Mana and Josie - the other birth assistant - arrived.
When I came out of the room to greet them, Mana joked with me - “Oh hi, are you in labor?”
I hadn’t realized how composed I had been all morning. Christy had told Mana I was crushing it, and you wouldn’t know I was in labor. With Leo, I felt like I had screamed the second I arrived at the birth center and didn’t stop until he was born. This time, I was pretty chill. I was singing and dancing, wincing through contractions.
The biggest difference this time around was that I was breathing.
The hypnobirthing book I read gave me two breathing exercises to follow for labor:
4-count inhales and 8-count exhales through each contraction
a sharp inhale with a sharp exhale for pushing
I followed this religiously through my labor and it helped me stay calm and feel somewhat in control.
Go Time
I hugged Christy and Ruby goodbye, thanking them for being a part of Quinn’s birth story. Then Mana told me that I was in charge. This was my second time doing this; she wanted me to tell her what I was feeling and what I needed to do.
But I had no idea.
I was comparing every moment of this labor to the first, and everything felt too different. Where was my water? How was it possible that I was having decent breaks between contractions? Where was the blood I kept seeing the first time?
Mana gave me some positioning to try that I didn’t enjoy, but it apparently was what was needed to get to the next stage. I remember Mana and Josie coming into the room and putting gloves on. This surprised me; everyone had been so hands-off all day.
“Are you going to do another check?” I asked.
“No, we’re just ready to catch a baby,” Mana said.
Huh, weird, I thought. I didn’t feel like that baby was coming any time soon.
Mana stacked a pile of pillows high up on the bed and encouraged me to lean on them. As soon as I did, it was time to push. How did everyone else know this but me?
Breakdown
After the first couple pushes, I lost it. I started crying hysterically - my second set of tears so far on the day - saying that I couldn’t do it. That mascara I was so happy to have gotten applied was now streaking my face. Kyle and everyone talked me up, but I was not having it.
I changed my position to lie on my side, just as I had when I’d delivered Leo, and instantly felt a bit better. I needed something to feel the same as the first time. I’m not sure why - the first time was much more painful - but now I at least knew things were happening fast and I would indeed meet my baby real soon.
After the next push, I asked “HOW MANY MORE PUSHES DO I HAVE?!?!”
No one had an answer.
I did NOT like the way pushing felt, so I decided then that I would get this baby out in as few pushes as possible. That’s when some superhero version of myself took over.
Unlike with Leo’s birth though, it seemed I had more time between contractions/pushes to breathe. I remember “But Daddy I Love Him” playing on the speaker, and zoning out to that song while I rested. (My water finally broke during a push - I’ll just say that was weird.)
I then had a few pushes through “Green Light” by Lorde,” and finally got little one out. (Kyle noted the song that played as she came out was “Electric Touch” by Taylor Swift and Fall Out Boy, my most played song of 2023. Amazing.)
As they placed sweet Quinn on my chest, I saw everyone start crying before I could even get a good look at her.
That moment was surreal. I don’t remember how she first looked or the first feature I took in (probably the hair). I do remember how I felt.
The feeling of turning over on my back as soon as I felt her come out and grabbing her from Mana with confidence. The feeling of immense relief that delivery was over. The feeling that everything was right, our family was complete. My girl was here. I didn’t even cry.
It was the same confidence and assurance I’d felt on my wedding day, a day everyone was surprised that I didn’t cry on.
Since Leo was a baby, Kyle and I had questioned whether to try for a second child. I felt so overwhelmed with one. I didn’t know if I could mentally, physically and emotionally handle two.
A big part of the relief I felt when they placed Quinn on my chest was that we’d made the right decision.
The Golden Hour
Here’s where more beauty of the birth center comes in.
Mana the midwife placed Quinn directly on my chest when she arrived, and that’s where she stayed for the next hour. While they all took care of what they needed to regarding my body, the umbilical cord, placenta stuff - I lay in a blissful state looking into my sweet baby’s eyes. Little one wanted to start breastfeeding pretty quickly and we made a happy connection there.
When all was cleaned up, Josie the birth assistant did the oh-so-fun belly pushes to encourage my uterus to go down, all while Baby stayed on my chest. Then the birth team retreated to the lounge area, and Kyle and I enjoyed getting to know our new little love bug.
The birth center requires only a four-hour stay after delivery, and if everyone’s vitals are good and no concerns arise, the family gets to go on their happy way.
These four hours were the cherry on top of our spa-like stay. In that first hour, Mana and Josie served us a beautiful tray of breakfast in bed. Oatmeal, yogurt, berries, nuts, crackers, cheese, meat, fruit - all of which spoke to my depleted energy. My mom also got her own tray of food to enjoy out in the lounge.
Kyle fed me bites while I cuddled our girl, and after my first hour of bonding time, I handed her over to him for some daddy-daughter time. I lay there happily eating my food, and weepily watching them.
I thought of Kyle’s dad, and how he shone his light over both of our children’s births. How his story of passing was now intertwined with both of their birth stories. And that’s when I cried for the third time that day.
Kyle got the joy of FaceTiming his mom with no notice that her new granddaughter would appear on the screen. The Barichellos back in Illinois did plenty of celebrating during the golf outing that day.
The Willow birth team only came in about once an hour for those belly pushes and to take vitals. We had so much privacy the whole day. At 4pm, they did the technical things that you do with a baby - took her weight and height (6 lbs. 8 oz.; 20 inches), took her footprints, gave us the rundown of newborn and postpartum care - literally sending us home with a small manual. (They also sent a meal to our home a few weeks later!)
Josie and Mana took our picture by the front door, ensured we had her secured safely in the car seat, and we were home eating post-birth poki bowls by 5:30.
We slept in our own bed with Quinn sleeping in the bassinet next to us. Leo stayed the night at Grandma and Grandpa’s and we enjoyed a slow morning with our new daughter before her brother came home to meet her.
“I can’t believe you’re home already!”
…is another thing people say after you deliver at a birth center.
Josie showed me what I needed to do with my belly. They also do a home visit within 48 hours of delivery. A midwife came to our house on Monday to take Quinn’s weight again, both of our vitals, check my belly, and help with breastfeeding. We had a million questions by then, and she had plenty of answers.
The midwife on call remains available to me for questions and concerns about newborn care or my own health.
Empowered
I remember a friend of mine who had a baby a couple months before I had Leo saying how empowered she felt in giving birth to her son. She’d had a hospital birth, I believe without an epidural. When I had Leo, I loved my birth experience but I felt that labor had kicked my butt. While I felt empowered in the kind of birth choices I’d made, I didn’t think I was that strong for doing what so many women have done before me.
But when I held Quinn on my chest, that’s exactly what I felt - empowered.
From pregnancy through labor and delivery and now postpartum, there was a feeling that I got from the team at Willow: she’s been through this before and has done the birth center birth before. They seemed to trust throughout it all that I knew what I was doing.
Which made me feel like I knew what I was doing.
I don’t know what it’s like to give birth in a hospital, and I have no bad opinions about it. Obviously, it’s the common thing to do. It’s safe.
And so is a birth center. If you’re healthy and your pregnancy is relatively uneventful, a birth center is a comforting, personal and private experience.
I am relieved I got this recommendation from my friend; I think this was the best way for me to deliver my kids. It may not be the best route for everyone, but I have no doubt it was best for me.
I also think God gave me both my deliveries on days (weekends, nonetheless!) where we’d be the only family there because I’d be far more uncomfortable with other people around. The lighting, control of music and sounds, space to roam, not being connected to any machines, room to joke with my birth team - these were all things I needed to feel safe and relaxed (ish) in labor and delivery.
Plus that breakfast tray was clutch.
That’s Quinnie’s birth story. That’s our second birth center experience.
While both of my births felt wildly different and painful in different ways, I cherish those birthdays. I love how I delivered for both and the calming environment we all got to be in.
And I’m lucky to feel empowered recalling my birth stories.
If anyone wants to know more about the birth center experience, please ask. I’d love for more people to know about this route and have empowering stories of their own.
TS Song of the Week - “Electric Touch”
I’ve probably featured this song in multiple other newsletters; it’s one of my favorites. But it’s also the song that played as Quinn was born, so this one is for her!
I love reading birth stories and this is so beautifully captured. And I'm so impressed that you wrote about it so quickly! It took me four years to finally write my daughter's birth story -- but she was also born at Willow! So I loved reading that you also had a wonderful experience there. The team is great and Diane has been with me since my first pregnancy when she attended hospital births. That first meal at home with a baby sleeping peacefully on the table -- the best!
Awesome Michelle thanks for sharing that. Love you all.