10 Tips for Postpartum Anxiety

or quieting the mom rage voice in your head

It’s happening again. A beautiful Saturday morning. Two perfectly healthy small children playing about in my lovely house. My husband right here playing too, also healthy and his happy self. Even Yoshi, our aging pup, has a playful pep in her step.

And every little thing is setting me off.

My toddler’s high-pitched voice as he repeats himself. My husband’s big loud sneeze. Yoshi barking, which is a fairly new thing for our 10-year-old dog. My baby crying.

Every sound in this lovely house seems to echo, and sometimes I feel like I have the sensitive hearing of a dog. Everything feels loud, overbearing, and triggering.

I woke up excited for a day off work, to relax and play with my family and enjoy the sunny, perfect weather we’ve been waiting for all summer. But minutes later I’m on edge. I can feel tears boiling up behind my eyes, ready for the next little thing to send me over.

What is this and how do I make it stop?

I’m no doctor, but I would guess it’s postpartum anxiety. My midwife diagnosed me with it after Leo, and given that my second postpartum experience has included a toddler, a car accident, and my first encounters with scorpions in my house, I feel pretty confident in saying it’s postpartum anxiety again.

Postpartum generalized anxiety is an irrational fear or exaggerated worry that something is wrong and usually involves worrying all day, everyday, about many different things. It's similar to regular anxiety but is more closely linked with having a baby and becoming a parent.

whattoexpect.com

I wouldn’t say I worry excessively about my children all day long. I don’t check the monitor all night or worry about my baby being behind. But the intrusive thoughts are there. Scanning every room for scorpions is something I constantly do. I don’t watch the news because once I hear a sad story involving a child, I’m done for.

But one of the symptoms of postpartum anxiety is constantly feeling on edge. Another is racing thoughts. And what really feels off is that I’ve always been someone who is cold-blooded, crying once the temp goes under 80 degrees. Now I think there has been only one night since Quinn was born that I haven’t woken up sweating. Just one!

It’s frustrating to look forward to the weekend, then start it off with a mental rage cloud for what seems like no good reason. Everything is fine. My family is healthy and well. I’m so grateful for my life. So why am I on edge?

Sometimes I wonder if I need something fun to look forward to on the weekends. And yet, when I plan things I get anxiety about not having enough down time.

I remind myself constantly that the baby year is a temporary season; I’ll be able to get out more next year, have more writing time, more social time. Next year. I can ride it out.

And sometimes riding it out feels hard. Even though I love the baby stage. I love watching her play and laugh and make a mess eating her food.

So, what do I do? How do I climb out of my mental rage cloud?

Here’s a list of things that seem to move the needle for me, even if only by a nudge. And believe me, a nudge is worth it.

• Take a 2-minute break to sit alone and take deep breaths.

• Go outside.

• Exercise - whether it’s pushing a kid in the stroller, hopping on my treadmill, asking hubby to watch the kids while I go to a fitness class, turning on a 10-minute Peloton yoga class, or having a dance party with the kiddos.

• Journal. Write down whatever I’m feeling. (This post here is me trying to work through the angst.)

• Play my favorite music and sing.

• Make a list. Any kind of list. Maybe it’s my priorities for the weekend. Maybe it’s a grocery list. Maybe it’s Taylor Swift’s complete discography in order of release. Get thinking about something, anything else.

• Bake something. The idea is to do something sensory (this works for kids too) so I’m out of my head and into my body.

• Look at funny parenting reels on Instagram. Note: If you’re going to try this tip at home, only do so if you have a good relationship with Instagram. If you’re prone to the doom scroll, use your go-to source of laughter here.

• Take the children somewhere. Get out of the house and go do something different. This is usually the bookstore, library, a new park, or my favorite - The Crayola Factory.

• Tell my husband how I feel. Sometimes I want his advice, sometimes I don’t. But I at least need him to know how I’m feeling. On days like this, some of our inside jokes can downright piss me off, so I need him to know that I’m a bit of a ticking time bomb.

What’s always hardest is giving myself some grace for how I’m feeling. This is the advice Kyle gives me when I go to him, and I just can’t seem to get there. I’m always wishing myself out of it.

I’m no therapist and am not currently in therapy for postpartum anxiety, but these things are what help me get back to centered, if only by a nudge at a time. I wish I could push a button and instantly feel better, but it takes work.

The work is always worth it, because the alternative is snapping at my sweet little children or my kind, happy husband. They don’t deserve it.

If you’re a mom, or you’re not but you deal with some anxiety or moodiness yourself, what works for you? Please share your tips, I could always use more!